regular, or decaf?

we are all given choices in our lifetime. but what keeps us from taking those choices that we so desire? is it our inability to let ourselves out of our own control and be opened to a world that can sweep us away as the wind does the leaves? there must be a balance where we can attain the things that we want to achieve while still feeling in control of our choices. or maybe that's the wrong approach altogether, maybe that is why we are here in the first place, faced with this inexplicable feeling of being torn between two worlds. should i or should i not? we could all just decide to let ourselves go and whatever happens happens, but there is a sense of direction that one has for themselves that seems to be the overriding guiding force of their life. when do we just stop and say leave me alone! to that inner thought and do as we please? is it because we are afraid of what might happen? will we get lost off the beaten path not able to find our way back to the choice that we believe we should have taken? and is it possible to actually go back and start over with a clean, fresh slate. Well if we felt like we could, then i guess we would choose whatever choice would make us feel better at the present moment. Then there is the question, if you could go back in time, what would you change? my response to that question has always been "nothing" because changing my past would change who i am today. would i really want to go back and try things over if i could, making different choices to see how my life would have been, how it could have been? and there lies the pressure. should i apply to that college? should i change my major? should i stay, or should i leave? what is the risk that i am willing to take? what is so horrifying about the unknown that makes us incapable of making a simple decision? regular, or decaf? or is it that we are just so selfish that we want the outcome of both choices that we are faced with? there must be something out there that will guide us in making these choices that we shy away from whenever they rear the corner. What is keeping us from facing our fears?


goodnight cleveland