i dont remember you coming into my room
yet you are here
i wake from my nap and you sit at my side
you kiss me
we smile
and i fall back asleep only to awake and realize
it was just a dream...
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
memories
as i drank the last two sips of pepsi on my way back from my morning class, i was taken aback by a feeling from my past, and suddenly a memory came rushing before my mind, stopping my thought, and challenged me to recall when i had last tasted that same taste; the flat, warm pepsi that triggered something in the memory vault, way in the back room of the files of experiences and times spent. i could almost smell the sand of the lake erie beach and the musty smell that the lake would emit in the hot summer. i could barely hear the seagull cry and just about feel the sand stuck to the outside of my pepsi bottle that had been there from the condensation that had long since evaporated. I was reminded of the special trips that my grandma used to take me and my sisters on, down to lake erie for a picnic on the beach. The smell of suntan lotion and the warm summer breeze filled the air around me and i slipped from that memory to the present, and then back again. I remember reaching into the cooler when the pepsi cans were still cold, surrounded in ice, and yet somehow always covered in sand...how is it that sand had gotten into the cooler before it had been opened? i would wonder these things as a child. But that crisp first sip was so refreshing and hit the spot after sitting on the hot sand and feeling the sun beat down upon us. as the day went on, we splashed in the water and played our games and listened to our grandma tell stories of sailing and travel. coming back from the water thirsty, i leaned my head back while emptying the can of the last few sips of warm pepsi, and smiled into the sun. it was a great day.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
feminism, or, simply loving yourself
wow. some things seem so clear, that is, until you become educated on how things really are. sure you'll think about things, but until you apply them to your life you will never start to begin to see just exactly how close to home it is and how it rings true in your EVERYDAY life. Take this excerpt from Victoria Woodhull's The Elixer of Life: or, Why Do We Die? This woman has already proved to me to be strong in what she has done and what she has said. She lived from 1838-1927, she was a suffragist, first woman to run for president, free-love advocate, first woman stockbroker on Wall Street, and an editor. Here she is commenting on the unjust and unfair equalities of women in relation to sexual pleasure.
"I need not explain to any woman the effects of unconsummated intercourse, though she may attempt to deceive herself about it; but every man needs to have it thundered in his ears until he wakes to the fact that he is not the only party to the act, and that the other party demands a return for all that he receives; demands that he shall not be enriched at her expense; demands that he shall not, wither from ignorance or selfish desire, carry her impulse forward on its mission only to cast it backward with the mission unfulfilled, to prostrate the impelling power and to breed nervous debility or irritability and sexual demoralization, and to sow the seeds of disease broadcast among humanity."
she goes on to say:
"It is a fact terrible to contemplate, yet it is nevertheless true, and ought to be pressed upon the world for recognition: that fully one-half of all women seldom or never experience any pleasure whatever in the sexual act."
This is not just something that happened in the past, and was quite a forward way of expression for that time especially. This needs to be recognized as truth, and not just the kind of truth that only happens to some people, but truth that happens to ALL women. The oppression of women when it comes to sex and sexuality has been happening for years and we are so conditioned to think that it is the norm. The fact that there is no thought to what the woman wants or that it may be needed for her pleasure has become a problem that forces women to being take advantage of, and not allowed rights when it comes to sexuality. Man has in the past has written and rewritten science to include the "fact" that the clitoris does not exist, or that it does not stimulate pleasure, so that there could not be any reason for women to need any form of pleasure for themselves when it comes to sex. It is here where the men have used women over and over again as their sources of pleasure and have not given consideration to what the women need. Without equality in the bedroom, women are not seen as equals outside of the bedroom. This exploitation of women is what drives us to using our bodies as a means to move up in society, get what we want, etc. put more clearly, women have been forced into prostitution.
Emma Goldman (1869-1940), was a Russian anarchist who wrote and lectured extensively on women's rights, birth control, free speech, and union organizing. In her essay The Traffic of Women, she explains the confines of our sex and how we are forced to use it in our society.
"Nowhere is a woman treated according to the merit of her work, but rather as a sex. It is therefore almost inevitable that she should pay for her right to exist, to keep a position in whatever line, with sex favors. Thus it is merely a question of degree whether she sells herself to one man, in or out of marriage, or to many men. Whether our reformers admit it or not, the economic and social inferiority of woman is responsible for prostitution."
This got me thinking even more. Growing up, prostitutes were thought of as sinners, people who only wear trashy clothing and clear heels while parading in front of the motel in the sketchy neighborhoods, and were mysteriously never seen in real life, but in movies and explicit videos.With this new bit of information, it comes to my attention that i am surrounded by prostitutes. This new reality shakes my sense of previous knowledge and challenges me to think of my own life. There is something interesting about the fact that women have to "pay" for their rights by selling themselves in such a demoralizing way.
...not too much more to say about it right now, im getting a bit tired and have yet to start my homework, oops! let me just leave you with this question to ponder in relation to what you have just heard: is marriage a form of legalized prostitution?
goodnight athens
"I need not explain to any woman the effects of unconsummated intercourse, though she may attempt to deceive herself about it; but every man needs to have it thundered in his ears until he wakes to the fact that he is not the only party to the act, and that the other party demands a return for all that he receives; demands that he shall not be enriched at her expense; demands that he shall not, wither from ignorance or selfish desire, carry her impulse forward on its mission only to cast it backward with the mission unfulfilled, to prostrate the impelling power and to breed nervous debility or irritability and sexual demoralization, and to sow the seeds of disease broadcast among humanity."
she goes on to say:
"It is a fact terrible to contemplate, yet it is nevertheless true, and ought to be pressed upon the world for recognition: that fully one-half of all women seldom or never experience any pleasure whatever in the sexual act."
This is not just something that happened in the past, and was quite a forward way of expression for that time especially. This needs to be recognized as truth, and not just the kind of truth that only happens to some people, but truth that happens to ALL women. The oppression of women when it comes to sex and sexuality has been happening for years and we are so conditioned to think that it is the norm. The fact that there is no thought to what the woman wants or that it may be needed for her pleasure has become a problem that forces women to being take advantage of, and not allowed rights when it comes to sexuality. Man has in the past has written and rewritten science to include the "fact" that the clitoris does not exist, or that it does not stimulate pleasure, so that there could not be any reason for women to need any form of pleasure for themselves when it comes to sex. It is here where the men have used women over and over again as their sources of pleasure and have not given consideration to what the women need. Without equality in the bedroom, women are not seen as equals outside of the bedroom. This exploitation of women is what drives us to using our bodies as a means to move up in society, get what we want, etc. put more clearly, women have been forced into prostitution.
Emma Goldman (1869-1940), was a Russian anarchist who wrote and lectured extensively on women's rights, birth control, free speech, and union organizing. In her essay The Traffic of Women, she explains the confines of our sex and how we are forced to use it in our society.
"Nowhere is a woman treated according to the merit of her work, but rather as a sex. It is therefore almost inevitable that she should pay for her right to exist, to keep a position in whatever line, with sex favors. Thus it is merely a question of degree whether she sells herself to one man, in or out of marriage, or to many men. Whether our reformers admit it or not, the economic and social inferiority of woman is responsible for prostitution."
This got me thinking even more. Growing up, prostitutes were thought of as sinners, people who only wear trashy clothing and clear heels while parading in front of the motel in the sketchy neighborhoods, and were mysteriously never seen in real life, but in movies and explicit videos.With this new bit of information, it comes to my attention that i am surrounded by prostitutes. This new reality shakes my sense of previous knowledge and challenges me to think of my own life. There is something interesting about the fact that women have to "pay" for their rights by selling themselves in such a demoralizing way.
...not too much more to say about it right now, im getting a bit tired and have yet to start my homework, oops! let me just leave you with this question to ponder in relation to what you have just heard: is marriage a form of legalized prostitution?
goodnight athens
more poems
This one was written from a dream that i had...me likey.
And We Dance
I waltzed with you last night
On the cool sand of the Bahama beaches
The orchestra of waves silently rolling in
Set our feet in motion
And we skate. One-two-three. One-two-three.
Lit by the orange and pink sky
Our skin shimmers and glows
Like the gold in your eyes
Like the diamonds swimming on the ocean crest
As we float. One-two-three. One-two-three.
All alone with the whole world to dance on
The background spins past
While flashes of color and time elapse
Singing the faint merry-go-round song
As we fall into circles. One-two-three. One-two-three.
My hand on your shoulder and the other in your right
Together we skate and float and fall
While the light drops of rain begin to descend
And christen our story of love
And we dance. One-two-three. One-two-three.
And We Dance
I waltzed with you last night
On the cool sand of the Bahama beaches
The orchestra of waves silently rolling in
Set our feet in motion
And we skate. One-two-three. One-two-three.
Lit by the orange and pink sky
Our skin shimmers and glows
Like the gold in your eyes
Like the diamonds swimming on the ocean crest
As we float. One-two-three. One-two-three.
All alone with the whole world to dance on
The background spins past
While flashes of color and time elapse
Singing the faint merry-go-round song
As we fall into circles. One-two-three. One-two-three.
My hand on your shoulder and the other in your right
Together we skate and float and fall
While the light drops of rain begin to descend
And christen our story of love
And we dance. One-two-three. One-two-three.
just a few old poems :)
Breathe You
Our faces close,
barely touching.
Eyes reclose,
and searching my mind.
A way to explain
this moment in time.
A slight move
makes me aware of
our bodies intertwined.
But your breath upon my lips
brings me back
and i am at the mercy of your love.
I breathe your breath,
the only air i breathe.
You fill me up,
my lungs, my heart, my soul.
So close to you, so close,
i melt into your arms.
Your lips just touching mine
draw closer still
and i can't resist
the beauty
the perfection
the wonder of your kiss.
heres another one...untitled thus far
You surround me
yet you are nowhere to be seen
gone from me now,
all i have left is your smell
on my pillow and the things you have given me.
I wear what belongs to you
it makes me feel closer to you
a security that i will see you again.
A dream passed away
you have been gone forever and
i find myself sitting in my room alone again
your kiss still lingers
on my lips
although i dont remember
how long it's been since i have felt you melt into me.
I hold an unopened letter
in my hand
in hopes that when i open it
you will be with me
once again
to hold
to kiss
to surround me with your love.
Our faces close,
barely touching.
Eyes reclose,
and searching my mind.
A way to explain
this moment in time.
A slight move
makes me aware of
our bodies intertwined.
But your breath upon my lips
brings me back
and i am at the mercy of your love.
I breathe your breath,
the only air i breathe.
You fill me up,
my lungs, my heart, my soul.
So close to you, so close,
i melt into your arms.
Your lips just touching mine
draw closer still
and i can't resist
the beauty
the perfection
the wonder of your kiss.
heres another one...untitled thus far
You surround me
yet you are nowhere to be seen
gone from me now,
all i have left is your smell
on my pillow and the things you have given me.
I wear what belongs to you
it makes me feel closer to you
a security that i will see you again.
A dream passed away
you have been gone forever and
i find myself sitting in my room alone again
your kiss still lingers
on my lips
although i dont remember
how long it's been since i have felt you melt into me.
I hold an unopened letter
in my hand
in hopes that when i open it
you will be with me
once again
to hold
to kiss
to surround me with your love.
Friday, August 24, 2007
OU, oh boy.
here i am, back at OU and going through training to becoming an RA. It has been an eye opening experience and I cannot wait to share with my residents that i am not here to monitor their every move as i once thought that RA's were there for. I am here for much more; to be their mentor and to promote their learning so that they can become all that they can by fulfilling their goals and developing important relationships with others. I hope that i can provide this for not only my residents, but the residents of the whole building. either way, i am excited about this new opportunity and am embracing it head on.
recently i have been thinking about changing my major, yes, again, but seriously, i do not feel like OU has fostered my learning thus far. I feel like because they have cancelled my major they don't feel as though they have to put as much energy into it anymore, but what i feel is that this is my education that i am paying for, and i should get just as good an education as someone in the school of journalism or any other college. One of my solutions to this problem has been to apply to a different college. I have sent in my application as well as my college and high school transcripts to Otterbein college to see what they have to offer me. I feel that being at a private college, i will get more one on one attention and will be encouraged more than i am at ohio university. However, i have always felt that if i had a different major than the now non-existent art education major, i would love it here and be really and truly happy. I have explored a few options and one of them is to transfer to the art history major. I would be able to finish the major by the end of the year, and my interest in the subject has peaked greatly after my latest art history course. The only problem would be getting into the classes that i have to take without technically being in the major. The art history major requires you to apply every spring and since, well that time has past, i would really have to suck up to the man and somehow go against the system in order to get into the program and graduate on time. For the most part i would need about 7 more art history courses and three quarters of a language, totally doable :) so anyways, that is just something that i have been thinking about because more and more recently i have been getting turned off by the art education major and the institution that provides the so called "major".
So i am trying to figure these things out right now and hopefully i will finally come to an answer. After 3 years of indecisiveness and misguidance i think that it is about time to find out what i am supposed to do.
goodnight athens, its good to be back
recently i have been thinking about changing my major, yes, again, but seriously, i do not feel like OU has fostered my learning thus far. I feel like because they have cancelled my major they don't feel as though they have to put as much energy into it anymore, but what i feel is that this is my education that i am paying for, and i should get just as good an education as someone in the school of journalism or any other college. One of my solutions to this problem has been to apply to a different college. I have sent in my application as well as my college and high school transcripts to Otterbein college to see what they have to offer me. I feel that being at a private college, i will get more one on one attention and will be encouraged more than i am at ohio university. However, i have always felt that if i had a different major than the now non-existent art education major, i would love it here and be really and truly happy. I have explored a few options and one of them is to transfer to the art history major. I would be able to finish the major by the end of the year, and my interest in the subject has peaked greatly after my latest art history course. The only problem would be getting into the classes that i have to take without technically being in the major. The art history major requires you to apply every spring and since, well that time has past, i would really have to suck up to the man and somehow go against the system in order to get into the program and graduate on time. For the most part i would need about 7 more art history courses and three quarters of a language, totally doable :) so anyways, that is just something that i have been thinking about because more and more recently i have been getting turned off by the art education major and the institution that provides the so called "major".
So i am trying to figure these things out right now and hopefully i will finally come to an answer. After 3 years of indecisiveness and misguidance i think that it is about time to find out what i am supposed to do.
goodnight athens, its good to be back
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